Monday, December 21, 2009

Things I Thought About this Weekend

In no particular order...

- Scott I really didn't understand the Harry Potter thing, but before I go on bashing it, I want to say that I literally just finished reading "Eldest", the second of a four part fantasy series by Christopher Paolini. (Remember the first one Kevin, "Eragon" in Landor's class Sr. year?) So while I didn't get the Lord Voldemort comments, I also have a soft spot for that stuff.

- Without having done very much research, and only being vaguely interested in the Bears at this point in their dismal season, Zackary Bowman needs to get some credit. He somehow made the roster, (oh yeah its because Nathan vasher is God-awful), and has been somewhat of a consistent surprise I think..

But he is from Alaska, not exactly the hotbed of football. And he is an African-American named Zackary. Rarely do you see the name spelled that way anymore (I hope Zack Morris' name was spelled as such), and that particular spelling is weird for an athlete regardless. He has played ok though, and I like him.

- Aaron Rodgers is like Kyle Orton was on the Bears, but A LOT better. He avoids mistakes the way Orton did/does, and he is really good on his feet and out of the pocket. Going to be good for a very long time. And he's cool. Probably can't gulp whiskey the way Orton does, but that might be a good thing...

- Realizing that a lot of NFL teams employ 2-back systems, I was wondering how many backs averaged close to 25+ carries a game. Turns out that only 5 guys barely average over 20 carries per game. I guess its not that important of a stat, just interesting that your (arguably) best player doesn't get too many carries...

- Speaking of good running backs, the list of the top five leading rushers in the NFL this season is the most generic list of names ever: Johnson, Jackson, Jones, Jones-(Drew) and Peterson. What the hell.

- The Panthers/Vikings game was weird as hell. AP didn't do anything, Favre looked like he always does in December, and Matt Moore was...good? To borrow a line that the Chicago Tribune used to use every Sunday morning, "Matt Moore, you're table is ready...."

- The Steelers/Packers game may be the best one I have seen in a long time. At the beginning of the 4th quarter I voluntarily chose to watch that over the Bears, for obvious reasons, and it turned out so good. I'm proud of myself. I have no idea though, no idea whatsoever why the Packers rushed 3 on the final play. Granted, they got a little pressure, but I cannot understand why they didn't go after Roesthlisberger. He had already thrown "forever", and bringing one more guy, possibly Clay Matthews, who has been so good rushing off the edge (and isn't that great in coverage), wouldn't have been a bad idea. Whatever.

- World's Most Amazing Videos on Spike TV is pure entertainment. Better than all the other shows similar to it.

- How are we going to refer to years in the next decade? In the year 2029, when we are referring to the year 2017, for example, are we going to say the whole thing or just "I remember back in '17..."

The Chosen One and The Chamber of Staples

We first meet our hero in a strange land, one in which he has never felt fully accepted. The Muggle world has always seemed foreign to him, for Muggles are but mere mortals and do not possess his gift. Coming from a strong family of wizards, the boy had the gift within, but no one could ever predict just how powerful he would become.

When he came of age he was summoned to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was here he would learn from tested mentors, refine his craft, and ultimately fulfill his destiny as ‘The Chosen One.’ Immediately upon entering Hogwarts, our hero must face the Sorting Hat. The Sorting Hat is ancient in tradition, each and every student face it. Based on the fit, the Sorting Hat decides in which house young wizards will live as well as peers that will join them. There is the Slytherin House comprised of those who value ambition over all else, The Ravenclaw House, The Hufflepuff House, and last but not least The Gryffindor House. The Sorting Hat picked our hero for the strong and courageous Gryffindor House, a house that has great history and legends such as Godric Gryffindor, a house whose colors include an unmistakable yellow.

The first character the boy meets from the school could never be mistaken. Hagrid is half-man and half-giant, a colossus among normal men. His frame alone stands him at least a head taller than all else, but it is his personality that is truly unique. He can be a devastating brute but internally possesses a kind, gentle heart and is never short of a good laugh. He would provide security and help our hero on his journey.

The old, wise headmaster at school is considered by his young, naïve students to be omnipotent. Face adorned by his distinct white hair and thin spectacles, the headmaster would take well to our hero. Through his uncompromisingly calm and patient demeanor, he would teach the young boy. He would provide guidance should our hero stray from his destiny’s path. He would be the most important resource to the boy, a boy that reminded him so much of another promising young wizard.

The young wizard of which I’m referring to is Lord Voldemort. For Voldemort was taught personally by the graying headmaster far before our hero’s tenure. Voldemort came up a prodigy. Possessing an unwavering will and ambition to be the greatest wizard that ever lived, he achieved just that. He had vast numbers of followers that bear his mark to this day. Voldemort wanted nothing more than to be the greatest wizard of all time for all eternity. Immortality. Unfortunately for our hero, the dark lord found a way to live through the ages. In fact, he did die once but only to reincarnate stronger than before. The means to do this he found was in the magic of Horcruxes. Through magic a Horcrux embodies part of an individual’s soul so that even if he died in the physical world his soul would live on forever. Voldemort would split his soul into seven Horcruxes.. Six of these horcruxes would be found in items. Items of immeasurable value. Items impossible to obtain. Safes to hold his soul through the sands of time.

In order to bring down the great wizard our hero would have to destroy these Horcruxes. Through his journey our hero would destroy these Horcruxes one by one in an attempt to banish the presence the great wizard. Our hero would become ‘The Chosen One’ along the way. However, he would need some help other than the mammoth Hagrid and the wise, cunning headmaster. Accompanying him on his quest to destroy the Horcruxes left by The Great Dark Lord were his two faithful sidekicks Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. Hermione was remarkably smart and could do no wrong. She was a firm believer in mind over matter and always seemed to come through in the direst of times. Ron on the other hand was tall and awkward with scraggly hair. He had strong wizarding siblings but his own powers were not overtly evident causing him to be constantly underestimated. But his most important attribute was his loyalty and his ability to remain strong even in the shadow of The Chosen One.

As of today, The Chosen One has suppressed four of the Horcruxes. To trained eyes it appears apparent that The Chosen One will destroy the final two Horcruxes secured in Voldemort’s items and extinguish his soul locked within. Alas, it is the final Horcrux that will decide The Chosen One’s fate. For this Horcrux is not found within an object but is personified inside our hero. This final Horcrux can only be beaten by becoming more powerful a wizard than the greatest wizard who ever lived. This is the part in our tale that strays from the path of the original story. For our hero will not banish the last remaining fragment of Voldemort’s soul. He will not be the savior nor the hero. He will fall short of his name and never truly become The Chosen One. Despite his best efforts, Voldemort will remain superior. He will remain the most powerful. He will remain the greatest wizard who has ever lived. For all eternity.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Average 10

Big Ten (really 11, and apparently may become 12 any day now) football is white trash. This issue has bugged me for approximately 5 years now. Year in and year out several decent big ten teams beat each other 23-16 all season in these so-called defensive battles. They aren’t really defensive battles, just a couple solid defenses stopping a couple dismal offenses. Seriously, I’ll bet anyone $20 straight up that both big ten representatives (Ohio St. (don’t even get me started on the fans by the way) & Iowa) lose their BCS games this year.

The thing that really chaps my hide is that these hacks frequently get 2 teams in BCS games. This can generally be attributed to many of them having “cupcake” non-conference schedules (i.e. Iowa, Penn State), and solid fan bases willing to fork over the cash to travel to great lengths to see their inferior athletes get stomped by SEC schools, USC (I know they’re having a down year, no need to rip on me, we can discuss later), and Texas. In the past 3 years big ten teams have gone a stellar 0-6 in BCS games. Seriously it’s such trash and usually is a waste of what should be one of the great games of the year. The only one of those 6 games that was even a “good game” was last year’s Fiesta Bowl in which an incredibly unmotivated Texas team (you try getting hyped to play the good ole buckeyes after getting snubbed from the national championship because Michael Crabtree is a freak) still managed to beat Ohio St. Wow, the dislike I developed for Ohio St. throughout college is really starting to come through. Then again, how can you blame me? Jim Tressel’s incessantly boring teams define the “average 10” over the past 5 years or so. Which brings me to my next point, the big 10’s legitimate lack of talent actually caused 2 of the past 3 national championship games to be blowouts (I know LSU only beat OSU by 14 two years ago but the end result of that game was never even in question). Because there have been no good teams, OSU “cruises” (for lack of a better term) to a 1 or 2 loss season every year with a nail-biter over someone like Purdue (who they lost to this year) usually thrown in there, and then by default falls into a BCS game, sometimes the national championship. The problem is conferences like the SEC and Big 12 spend all season beating each other, plus they have to deal with a conference championship game. So usually only one of them comes out alive and they end up playing a team like Ohio St. and then the culmination of the college football season (the national championship) is a waste. Notice how last year 2 great teams played each other for the ship and it was a great game.

Look the point isn’t to rip on Ohio St. or anyone else for that matter, and if I’ve pissed off you Buckeye fans out there, I’m sorry, sort of. This is really an indictment of the conference as a whole and it is one that has been made by many more knowledgeable people before me. It is a conference with great tradition and great resources, and yet they are stuck in neutral. The reason the SEC is so great right now may have something to do with coaching and/or location, but the bottom line is recruiting and adapting to the state of the game. Right now it’s 2009, not 1979. Speed is the name of the game. Have you seen how many guys on Florida run the 40 in sub-4.4, it’s ridiculous, and look how good they are. So why doesn’t someone grab Jim Tressel by the sweater vest (how many do you think he owns? Is it like 20? Or is it like 2-3 and he washes them a lot?) and tell him to recruit some ‘speedsters’ and open up his effing playbook. Terrelle Pryor won’t ever admit it, but who knows how filthy he could be right now if he played for Oregon.

Again, I apologize for tearing apart Ohio St., but they happen to be the best program in this mediocre bunch. I’ll try to get over this, but it’s been building up in my head for years. It’s just frustrating to see a tradition-rich conference sit back and watch the wonderful world of college football evolve without joining the party (Michigan’s trying with Rich Rod, we’ll see how that goes). More importantly, they’re wasting these BCS bowl games we wait all season for. If you need to reach me, I’ll be writing an even more obnoxious letter to Jim Tressel telling him to go recruit some guys from Florida. Maybe then they’ll be able to at least compete with a non-conference team other than Youngstown State.

A decent interest in basketball

1. CcGowan, I'm glad you realized that we weren't going to read that whole blurb. (That's me being tough, but I actually read the whole thing. Well put.)

Scott, good call on the All-NBA thug team. I can't imagine how many felonies and fines those guys have combined. Probably not as many as Chad Ochocinco will have by the time he's done, but thats a different issue to be discussed later. That was corny.

I want to create an All-Ugly NBA team. I realize that this is something that people like to talk about pretty regularly, but that doesn't mean these guys have changed their appearances. For the first team I will include:


Chris Kaman

The ugliest player in any professional sports league anywhere. Funny thing is that he still probably pulls more ass than McGowan.

Shelden Williams

By looking at his picture you could say he is arguably the is biggest "buffoon" in the NBA, if that word were associated with any physical appearance. His nostrils alone rival those of Patrick Ewing.

Delonte West

If ever there was a player who would fit the description of a premature baby/aborted fetus, West is the guy. Thank God he drives around in his motorcycle with loaded 9mm's. (I'll pretend to know what a 9mm looks like for the sake of this article.)

Steph Curry

People don't give him enough shit for looking like a dead baby bird. Related to West???


To round out the list I could have included Sam Cassell, but that's old news. How about Eastern Europeans? Its not necessarily limited to just their physical features here, but also their assumed body odor, Euro clothing, and gangly posture (inevitable with all Eastern European forwards). Any one of these post-Communist assholes will suffice.
Try...

Branislav Djekic
http://photo.adriaticbasket.net/albums/userpics/other/branislav_djekic.jpg

Or

Zaza Pachulia
http://www.nba.com/playerfile/zaza_pachulia/index.html

Or

Oleksiy Pecherov
http://www.nba.com/playerfile/oleksiy_pecherov/index.html

And my personal favorite, Goran Dragic (Most resembles NBA version of Kevin, (sorry to keep ripping on you)...)

http://www.nba.com/playerfile/goran_dragic/index.html


2.

Speaking of foreigners playing basketball, why in the hell do so many Latin Americans choose to play college hoops at Louisville? What is so appealing about the state of Kentucky to guys like Francisco Garcia, Juan Palacios, and Edgar Sosa? And why is this phenomenon consistently happening ONLY at Louisville? Thanks.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Blog

Wow. I actually can't believe this 'idea' came to fruition. My head is literally overflowing with comments/thoughts/quips/anecdotes now that I have a forum to release all the crap I've been storing in my head for no reason whatsoever. Other than maybe I am a "Fan With Passion" (I made that name up really quickly and it's arguably really gay, alternatives are welcome). As you might've guessed by now, my first post here is not actually about a certain sports topic. It's more just a jumble of thoughts I need to get out of my head (see above) to explain why I personally think this blog now exists, and why I think it could turn into a great thing.

First and foremost, due to my undiagnosed OCD, I'd just like to clarify that this blog should not be a place where you necessarily need to have perfect punctunation, grammar, etc. I'm a decent writer at best and I'm too excited for the great content this has the potential to possess to worry about whether or not I start too many sentences with 'I' or when to use a semi-colon (still not 100% confident with those anyway). I see this blog as an opportunity for those of us with both the necessary sports knowledge to contribute, but also the mindset to share our hopefully unique/original opinions. That being said, I also need to take this moment to bring up one of my real inspirations for this entire idea: Bill Simmons. Obviously the other 3 current authors (Scott, Jay, Tighe) know more than enough about him and probably have their own opinions, but this blog isn't necessarily just to be read by us. Hopefully there are people out there (probably our friends) who may actually read this. Anyway, in my opinion, there isn't a single sportswriter (one word, right?) who has a better grasp on the nuances of everyday life that have previously been tackled by the likes of Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld.

Look, I know this post is way too long and you guys don't want to keep reading (if you've even made it this far), but I promise this is not the norm for a post. It's just that for me personally, this has the potential to be life-changing (well, in a way). I just mean that for literally as long as I can remember, sports have been by far my biggest passion/interest. I have more unnecessary knowledge stored up than I care to share, and maybe now this can be the outlet I needed all along. I don't think I'll ever even be paid to do anything related to sports, but this may be just what I (and hopefully you guys too) needed. It took some convincing from a few people (namely you Scott, thanks brother), but I finally overcame my constant fear of what other people think for 2 seconds and actually "went for it." I created this blog with the encouragement of others because I didn't have the 'cajones' (sportswriters use that term a lot) to do it. Now hopefully we all (not just me) have something that becomes a great outlet and source of knowledge/laughter for others. Enough rambling for now, let's get the commentaries and arguments going. Thanks for the encouragement and enthusiasm. Wow, I just wrote this bumbling assortment of words in about 12 minutes, it used to take me 5 hours to write a 2 page paper. This is going to be awesome.

All-NBA Teams

So for my first post I decided to make some All-NBA Teams and post a question at the end. I tried to go by positions so they might actually be considered a team. Also I tried to factor in injuries, age, and experience.

First,

All-Shouldn't be in the NBA Team

PG: Chris Quinn (Heat) 6'2 175lbs

Good God he may be the captain of this team. Even Shaq called him out once and said playing with him was like playing with a high schooler. He wasn't that good in college for Notre Dame, possesses NO athletic ability, and could be considered a poor-man's JJ Reddick - not a compliment. As far as stats go he's averaging 5.6 ppg 1.3 rb and 2.2 assists. Awful numbers but on this team he could be the MVP. On top of all this, he's a douche-bag. For evidence just go as far as his roster picture on NBA.com http://www.nba.com/playerfile/chris_quinn/index.html

SG: Joey Dorsey (Rockets)

Although there is no way on earth he could play this position I felt there were more big guys who should be on this list rather than the Luke Ridnour's and Kirk Hinrich's who at least contribute a little to their teams. Kirk Hinrich guarding Kobe the other night I just felt bad for. Kobe balled on him with a broken finger. It looked like McGowan was trying to guard him. But as for Dorsey he was an OK big guy (very athletic, no skill) in college. He also called out Oden in college and fouled out with less points than fouls in that game. He's also scored a whopping 2 pts in the NBA. A poor-man's Chris Wilcox. Enough said.

SF: Brian Scalabrine (Celtics)
Hey you're tall you should play basketball. Didn't know that translated to the NBA.

PF: Hamed Haddadi (Grizzlies)

Who the hell is this guy? Never heard of him. Here's why. He's the guy who sits behind Marc Gasol AND Hasheem Thabeet. He gets no playing time which should explain his meager 8 pts this year but he's also 2-10 from the field. 20% FG% from a third string center. Congrats you make the team.

C: Sean Marks (Hornets)

Another "Who is this guy?" Only.. he's been in the NBA for 9 years. He has 1 pt this year. one. Over his highly acclaimed career he has scored 588 pts. 65 a season. That's less than 1 pt a game. How has he been around for so long?

Honorable Mention:

BJ Muellens: OK at Ohio State. Tried to look at his stats. He doesn't have any.
Othello Hunter: Another great pick from OSU. 24 pts in his 2 yr career.
Dominic Mcguire: 0.8 pts this year, 2.8 for his career. In Washington.

All 6th Man Team

This one is more I'm just curious what everyone else thinks. My Team:

PG: Ben Gordon
SG: JR Smith (There you go Collin. He has an honorable mention on the next list as well)
SF: Manu (Who doesn't hate Manu?)
PF: Lamar Odom (If I were him I'd be pissed I didn't start. 6'10 lefty who can dribble and shoot? That's an all-star)
C: Andrei Kirelenko (Can't believe he doesn't start anymore. Although he still may be recovering from the POSTERIZING he received courtesy of Baron Davis)

Honorable Mention:

-Sheed (Also getting an honorable mention for the next team)
-Danilo Gallinari (Although I think they've put him in the starting lineup)
-Jason Terry (Yeah he doesn't start anymore)
- Darren Collison (P.I.M.P unfortunately CP3 is on his team)
- James Harden (GO OKC)

All-Thug Team

PG: Deshaun Stevenson
-The beard is awesome but the waving hand in his face after every 3ball he shoots in your eye. Reminds me of Roy Williams getting a first down.

SG: Marquis Daniels
-If you don't believe me look him up.

SF: The myth, the legend, Ron Artest

-The Captain of this team. Who knew at the time that the Malace in the Palace was actually a drunken brawl. He was sipping his Hennessy at half and the guy threw a beer on him. Unfortunately, he was playing an NBA game not in bar.

PF: Stephen Jackson

-Wow could be co-mvp for his help in the Malace at the Palace.

C: Old Chris Andersen

-Not talking about him now that he's cleaned up. Talking about him back when he was Skiing in Denver.

Honorable Mention:

-JR Smith
-Sheed
-Beasley
-Darius Miles (Is he still in the NBA?)

Question of the day

Who looks dumber at all times?

Hedo Turkoglu or Psycho T?