Ron Artest

I'm the biggest Ron Artest fan there is.

I hated his guts with his cocky thug attitude and how he seemed to not care about the game.

I hated his guts on the Pacers when he fought the crowd.

I hated his guts when he was on the Rockets and fouled Kobe every play and got in his face when Kobe let a little elbow loose.

But that's why I love him.

Without the Ron Artest's of the NBA every game is an All-Star Game. I'm pretty deep into Bill Simmons's, Book of Basketball and reading about the old NBA. Like the time when Kermit Washington literally almost killed Rudy Tomjanovich with a punch later deemed "The greatest punch in the history of mankind," or when McHale straight-up clotheslined Kurt Rambis's bitch-ass.

I want the passion. I want the Bad Boys of Detroit again. I want Rodman again. I want an enemy that everyone hates. I want some rivalry. Look at the rivalry games in NCAA football, they dont just want to win, they want to crush each other. If you get hurt you're a pussy. This is the men's league, son.

I'm writing this right now because I just watched the Heat vs. Cavs game. A game that epitomized everything that's wrong in the NBA today. First, before the game everyone hugged and kissed and put on their makeup. The final score was 102-86 Cavs, a close game for most of it. But let me provide a play-by-play of the 3rd quarter. Lebron walks the ball up-court, tosses to Shaq in the post he turns makes. Wade walks the ball up-court, tosses to Beasely on the baseline, no one within 10 ft. so he sinks the 10 footer. etc. etc. Here's where it really grinded my gears. Lebron pushes the ball on the break, goes for a between the legs pass back to Hickson, Wade intercepts. Then, instead of Wade being pissed the other team tried this or Lebron being pissed he made a moronic play trying to look cool, they both smile. Wade pushes the ball back up-court laughing, Lebron nonchalantly jogs back laughing (Cavs are up by 2 in the third at this point). Wade drives runs into Shaq on a no-question foul on Shaq but nothing is called. Instead of Wade reaming the refs he just starts laughing, again. GARBAGE. You think if Rodman or Wade or Bird or Magic were Shaq right there and dropped a real foul hat Wade would be laughing? Most likely they'd pretend to be hurt and fake limp back to the bench. What are sports without passion, rivalry, and utter hatred towards your opponents? They're an exhibition. Think about it, how much more did we like Phil v. Tiger when we thought they hated each other? And that's golf! If Phil kicked Tiger's bag after he stuck one and smirked I would instantly become the biggest Phil fan of all time. So I propose this, get rid of the Dream Team. Is there any question we have the best basketball players on earth? No. don't let these guys hangout and become butt-buddies. In fact, if it wasn't illegal I say the media should make up stories to make these guys hate each other. Then, trade Artest, Raja Bell, Bruce Bowen (I know he's retired but RIP his NBA career), Kenyon Martin, and JR Smith to the Bobcats to join Gerald Wallace and give everyone in the league someone to hate. Not hate like Joke Noah or Varejao, because they're gay, overly passionate for their skills, and have stupid hair, but HATE. Let them beat the shit out of Lebron or Wade. I want to see another Carmelo bitch-slap. Granted that's exactly what it was, but at least he had the right idea. I mean that would've knocked me or McGowan out instantly (he's listed at 6'8 230). Yeah right he's 230 more like 260. So lets see some enemies. Lets see some rivalry. Ron Artest punch Lebron in the finals and see how soft he is. I mean Barkley one time form-tackled Shaq. I mean shit, is toughness not a key attribute in the NBA anymore?

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. In the middle of reading Bill Simmons's Book of Basketball.

Will someone explain in detail what the Franchise Tag is in the NFL and why everyone hates it when they get it?

(I'm lookin to Tighe or McGowan here)

People Say I look Like Lane Kiffin

What a couple of weeks we have had in sports. Between Urban Meyer, Mike Leach, Mark McGwire, Pete Carroll, and the NFL Playoffs, in addition to great college hoops, I haven’t really done anything other than loaf in front of the TV. Somewhere, though, Tiger Woods is breathing a sigh of relief for finally having entered that “my-private-life-is-finally-not-the-center-of-the-sports-world” stage that inevitably comes with all controversies. One particular topic which really grinds my gears though is Lane Kiffin leaving Tennessee for Southern Cal this past week.

For a number of reasons:

(Before I begin, I would like to say that I am responding only to what I have seen on TV and in the papers. I probably should have done more research about some of the controversial issues I will bring up, but I think I would rather not. Doing so might endanger my argument, or worse, change my opinion of that scumbag.)

How can you sign a contract, as Kiffin did with Tennessee, and then simply get up and leave? What is the point of even signing a contract? Seriously? Don’t contracts exist so that there is a binding agreement for the signer to the employer? Now I will be the first to admit that I personally know almost nothing about these things, and there might even be a good explanation for it (such as a buyout or something). But as I see it, if a coach came to the school/team I root for, and signed a multiple year contract, I would expect him to honor it for at least two years, hence “multiple”. Kiffin did no such thing. Screw him.
I want to make myself clear that I understand why ho took the job, the reasons are obvious: better pay, larger recruitment pool, better looking undergraduates with whom one can cheat on their spouse, etc. That said I don’t blame him for wanting the SC job. What pisses me off, though, are the outside circumstances involved with his decision.

Broken Promises

After promising a celebratory singing of “Rocky Top” after a victory against Florida, he indirectly swore an oath to fans and players that he will do what it takes to not only remove Florida from the SEC throne, but also to move Tennessee into the upper echelon of college football once again. Many coaches make bold decisions when they are hired; doing so gives fans and programs hope and inspiration that they have finally found the guy for the job. Unfortunately for Kiffin this decision was about as bad as Mark May’s to wear sunglasses to the BCS title game. What the hell was that all about anyway?

Kiffin allegedly showed a video to Tennessee recruits last March saying “We’re gonna make Tennessee the USC of the South, the USC of the east coast.” In other words, he was promising to rebuild a dynasty at Tennessee while assuring these players that Southern Cal was not his bag, and that he would be around for years. Believing Kiffin then would be like believing your average greasy used-car salesman whom most educated Americans know they shouldn’t trust. That’s what makes Kiffin even nastier; he was selling to UNeducated Americans in these gangster high school players. (I know that statement may be a little risky, but so was The Rock’s decision to accept a role as a hockey playing tooth fairy. Why did he do that? Was he trying to kill his career? And why didn’t the creator of “The U” have a special segment on The Rock’s off-field activities? You know they were preposterous.) Back to Kiffin though…

Kiffin screwed over the student athletes

The announcement was made on the morning of Wednesday the 13th, the day that second semester classes started at Tennessee. Kiffin had recruited a few players who graduated early from high school so that they could enroll at Tennessee 2nd semester 2010, not an uncommon practice. Now as I understand it, if they were in class on Wednesday the 13th they were considered enrolled at Tennessee. They were likely informed of his decision on Tuesday evening, and had between then and the next day of classes to make a decision on their Tennessee careers. They had maybe 24 hours to decommit from Tennessee (as I believe some players did), and find other schools to play for, if they so desired. What doesn’t get publicized is how these high schoolers -turned college students who did indeed decommit from Tennessee now have a whole semester off to do what they please—whether it be gamble, drink, smoke crack or hold up gas stations (lets be honest there is a reason the Tennessee football program is under NCAA review presently). These kids probably made the decision to graduate early from high school sometime in early 2009, undoubtedly because of Kiffin’s influence on them, and now that he is gone to pursue his own interests he has left these men in the dust. They could decide to stay at Tennessee for good, or stay this semester and then transfer (which would require sitting out for a year due to NCAA regulations), or decommit from Tennessee and find another school to enroll in, perhaps following him to USC. But they had to make this decision before they were enrolled at Tennessee, else they were considered a student. They undoubtedly went through a ton of difficulties (registering in and out of high school and college, trying to convince their babies mama’s they’ll stay faithful, etc.), just to get in to Tennessee early, all for naught. Needless to say, Kiffin has totally screwed these players for a number of years.

Eligibility

People say how “great of a fit” it is that Kiffin is now the head man at USC. Why? He didn’t do much at Tennessee (7-6), and certainly not with the Oakland Raiders (5-15-1). What does he know about (re)-building a dynastic college football program? Sure he may have the pieces around him (Orgeron, his father Monte), but that doesn’t necessarily equate to success for a 34 year-old never-was. Unless he has privately proven himself to the SC athletic brass, to me this was not a good hire. Good luck to him though. He has a difficult road ahead of him, trying to restore SC to Pac-10 dominance amid the Reggie Bush controversy. And its funny that Kiffin went from one school filled with questions concerning NCAA regulations to another in USC and the Reggie Bush compliance issues. Gotta love doing whatever it takes to win!

The only reasonable outcome, as I see it, is for the NCAA to somehow allow these kids who have committed to the original coach, (notice I don’t say school because the actual academic institution is not why they committed in the first place, it’s the coach), to go with the coach. Chances are the new school, like USC, can afford to give scholarships to these kids. They should be able to justify letting a top SEC recruit commit to their program. But as I said before, I am almost positive it is much more difficult and complicated than I propose. The NCAA is really not that great of an organization, especially without Myles Brand at the top. It is tough to find a comparison to the NCAA, but I know that when push comes to shove the NCAA will usually choose whatever decision allows for them to make a greater profit. Screw Lane Kiffin. He is, and always will be, a villain who is bad for college football.

Good Morning Passionate Fans

As I sit brain-dead, index finger in nose at my computer on this wonderful Monday morning after a long weekend, I'd like to thank you for accepting me as a contributor to the blog. I have read through previous posts and can say that I am as excited as Pat Foley after a simple re-direct, Stacy King during a menial replay or Hawk Harrelson when he sees cotton candy to be a part of this cyber sports fellowship. With that said, I look forward to more postings.

Things I thought About This Weekend (Part II)

I think I'm gonna stick with this title for a lot of my posts, because often while watching sports I am also dealing with something else which needs to be publicized. In no particular order, here we go...

-Nicklas Lidstrom is pretty old (39), and pretty slow. He was beaten really badly against the Blackhawks a few nights ago by Troy Brouwer, who is also not the fastest. This is good news for Blackhawks fans, as he's been pretty nasty for the Wings for a long time. Which reminds me...

-I saw former Hawk and Wing Chris Chelios on TV recently. He plays for the Chicago Wolves of the AHL, the NHL's minor league affiliate. He turns 48 on January 25th. How he is able to still play intrigues me for a few reasons. Number one being the obvious physical implications all these years take on his body. He must be a health nut or something to keep playing. Number two is...doesn't he feel weird playing hockey with men much much younger than him? They are all trying to play well to get moved up, and he is trying to play well to...win? Can't imagine any NHL team signing him so it's interesting to see him still play. The guy is a rink rat, no question. Still the man though.

- I simply don't understand why some goalies in the NHL, particularly those who've played with the Hawks the last two seasons, aren't more active and physical with forwards trying to screen them by standing in front. I'm sure the rules are a little different from Illinois high school hockey and the NHL, but I used to regularly hack with full force at the exposed back-side of forwards' legs. And the Hawks goalies are often burned by this strategy (especially in the playoffs), yet the coaching staff continues to let opponents stand idly by without putting a man on him.

- I was driving up to northern Wisconsin for New Year's and heard a radio station's tagline after a song. Can't remember which one but it went "So-so's radio station: Central Wisconsin's radio station for older women".

What? And why was I listening to that station?

- I cannot stand talking about my personal life transition to people. And I'm at a really ambiguous point in my life too so its not like lying to people about it does anybody any good either.

- I just don't think Eric Berry is as good as everyone says he is. I haven't watched a lot of SEC football, but most of the highlights I've seen of him are just not that impressive. Like the one also on Tim Tebow's personal highlight reel where Tebow Truck-sticks over Berry.

-Taylor Mays has also been a disappointment for USC this year.

- The Sporting News article Kevin sent out (http://www.sportingnews.com/college-football/article/2009-12-28/coaching-you-call-work) is some of the hottest garbage I have ever read. I firmly believe that the guy who wrote that article did it not out of his personal, true feelings, but rather so that it would create a controversy. (For anyone who even reads the Sporting News, that is, Kevin...) There is no way he thinks those things, and if he actually does, well then he's an idiot. I was fortunate to be able to play 4 full seasons of college football, and I know that even for a small Division III head coach, the strain on one's family cannot be underestimated. In recruiting alone, the what-if's and coulda been's and the fact that teenagers do a lot of dumb stuff when they think they're the shiznit make a formidable argument for a guy like Urban Meyer to step down. Outside of recruiting, a regular day for most successful coaches -- head or assistant-- usually runs from five or six in the AM to 11 PM. My coach regularly had to miss his now 5 children's activities because he had to deal with some idiot player on our team, or some to-be idiot player from some white trash town in central southern Illinois. Because of this strain, my coach also had to step down this Fall. I'm sure whatever Meyer is going through is legitimate, and the effects on one's family and personal health are much, much more significant than most casual observers of college football probably believe. When Meyer has to deal with dopes like Carlos Dunlap, in addition to sustaining great recruiting, vying for an SEC and national title, dealing with questions about a potential move to Notre Dame, and his family all in one, I think he deserves a little more slack.

-Israel Idonije has quite possibly the largest lips in the NFL.

- Raul Mondesi is running for mayor of San Cristobal, Dominican Republic. I read this online recently..."His intellectual shortcomings are obvious," one political observer notes. "We don't know of one project that Raul Mondesi has submitted." This reminds me of when Heath Shuler ran for congress in North Carolina. But he actually won that vote....

- Finally, if anybody is still reading this, here is your reward. Earlier in this post I talked about not enjoying the transition my life is currently under. Well I have been applying for a lot of jobs recently, and apparently the potential employers have had a good laugh at my expense. One particular employer emailed me after I had applied, asking for a re-submission of my resume. So I obliged and thought nothing of it. She then responded again saying that twice now I had actually submitted an essay from a German history class this Fall that had the same title as my resume, simply "Tighe Burke". I have been sending out the same document--which I thought was actually my resume--to probably over 25 employers in the last month., including a guy who was essentially "hooking me up" with a potential job. I hate so many things right now.

- J.T. O'Sullivan is so ugly and bad I don't know honestly why he is under contract in the NFL. When he came in during the 3rd quarter against the Jets, I thought I was watching Dan Orlovsky again, except with a mullet so pathetic its not even worth mentioning in an amateur blog.

Things I Thought About this Weekend

In no particular order...

- Scott I really didn't understand the Harry Potter thing, but before I go on bashing it, I want to say that I literally just finished reading "Eldest", the second of a four part fantasy series by Christopher Paolini. (Remember the first one Kevin, "Eragon" in Landor's class Sr. year?) So while I didn't get the Lord Voldemort comments, I also have a soft spot for that stuff.

- Without having done very much research, and only being vaguely interested in the Bears at this point in their dismal season, Zackary Bowman needs to get some credit. He somehow made the roster, (oh yeah its because Nathan vasher is God-awful), and has been somewhat of a consistent surprise I think..

But he is from Alaska, not exactly the hotbed of football. And he is an African-American named Zackary. Rarely do you see the name spelled that way anymore (I hope Zack Morris' name was spelled as such), and that particular spelling is weird for an athlete regardless. He has played ok though, and I like him.

- Aaron Rodgers is like Kyle Orton was on the Bears, but A LOT better. He avoids mistakes the way Orton did/does, and he is really good on his feet and out of the pocket. Going to be good for a very long time. And he's cool. Probably can't gulp whiskey the way Orton does, but that might be a good thing...

- Realizing that a lot of NFL teams employ 2-back systems, I was wondering how many backs averaged close to 25+ carries a game. Turns out that only 5 guys barely average over 20 carries per game. I guess its not that important of a stat, just interesting that your (arguably) best player doesn't get too many carries...

- Speaking of good running backs, the list of the top five leading rushers in the NFL this season is the most generic list of names ever: Johnson, Jackson, Jones, Jones-(Drew) and Peterson. What the hell.

- The Panthers/Vikings game was weird as hell. AP didn't do anything, Favre looked like he always does in December, and Matt Moore was...good? To borrow a line that the Chicago Tribune used to use every Sunday morning, "Matt Moore, you're table is ready...."

- The Steelers/Packers game may be the best one I have seen in a long time. At the beginning of the 4th quarter I voluntarily chose to watch that over the Bears, for obvious reasons, and it turned out so good. I'm proud of myself. I have no idea though, no idea whatsoever why the Packers rushed 3 on the final play. Granted, they got a little pressure, but I cannot understand why they didn't go after Roesthlisberger. He had already thrown "forever", and bringing one more guy, possibly Clay Matthews, who has been so good rushing off the edge (and isn't that great in coverage), wouldn't have been a bad idea. Whatever.

- World's Most Amazing Videos on Spike TV is pure entertainment. Better than all the other shows similar to it.

- How are we going to refer to years in the next decade? In the year 2029, when we are referring to the year 2017, for example, are we going to say the whole thing or just "I remember back in '17..."

The Chosen One and The Chamber of Staples

We first meet our hero in a strange land, one in which he has never felt fully accepted. The Muggle world has always seemed foreign to him, for Muggles are but mere mortals and do not possess his gift. Coming from a strong family of wizards, the boy had the gift within, but no one could ever predict just how powerful he would become.

When he came of age he was summoned to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was here he would learn from tested mentors, refine his craft, and ultimately fulfill his destiny as ‘The Chosen One.’ Immediately upon entering Hogwarts, our hero must face the Sorting Hat. The Sorting Hat is ancient in tradition, each and every student face it. Based on the fit, the Sorting Hat decides in which house young wizards will live as well as peers that will join them. There is the Slytherin House comprised of those who value ambition over all else, The Ravenclaw House, The Hufflepuff House, and last but not least The Gryffindor House. The Sorting Hat picked our hero for the strong and courageous Gryffindor House, a house that has great history and legends such as Godric Gryffindor, a house whose colors include an unmistakable yellow.

The first character the boy meets from the school could never be mistaken. Hagrid is half-man and half-giant, a colossus among normal men. His frame alone stands him at least a head taller than all else, but it is his personality that is truly unique. He can be a devastating brute but internally possesses a kind, gentle heart and is never short of a good laugh. He would provide security and help our hero on his journey.

The old, wise headmaster at school is considered by his young, naïve students to be omnipotent. Face adorned by his distinct white hair and thin spectacles, the headmaster would take well to our hero. Through his uncompromisingly calm and patient demeanor, he would teach the young boy. He would provide guidance should our hero stray from his destiny’s path. He would be the most important resource to the boy, a boy that reminded him so much of another promising young wizard.

The young wizard of which I’m referring to is Lord Voldemort. For Voldemort was taught personally by the graying headmaster far before our hero’s tenure. Voldemort came up a prodigy. Possessing an unwavering will and ambition to be the greatest wizard that ever lived, he achieved just that. He had vast numbers of followers that bear his mark to this day. Voldemort wanted nothing more than to be the greatest wizard of all time for all eternity. Immortality. Unfortunately for our hero, the dark lord found a way to live through the ages. In fact, he did die once but only to reincarnate stronger than before. The means to do this he found was in the magic of Horcruxes. Through magic a Horcrux embodies part of an individual’s soul so that even if he died in the physical world his soul would live on forever. Voldemort would split his soul into seven Horcruxes.. Six of these horcruxes would be found in items. Items of immeasurable value. Items impossible to obtain. Safes to hold his soul through the sands of time.

In order to bring down the great wizard our hero would have to destroy these Horcruxes. Through his journey our hero would destroy these Horcruxes one by one in an attempt to banish the presence the great wizard. Our hero would become ‘The Chosen One’ along the way. However, he would need some help other than the mammoth Hagrid and the wise, cunning headmaster. Accompanying him on his quest to destroy the Horcruxes left by The Great Dark Lord were his two faithful sidekicks Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. Hermione was remarkably smart and could do no wrong. She was a firm believer in mind over matter and always seemed to come through in the direst of times. Ron on the other hand was tall and awkward with scraggly hair. He had strong wizarding siblings but his own powers were not overtly evident causing him to be constantly underestimated. But his most important attribute was his loyalty and his ability to remain strong even in the shadow of The Chosen One.

As of today, The Chosen One has suppressed four of the Horcruxes. To trained eyes it appears apparent that The Chosen One will destroy the final two Horcruxes secured in Voldemort’s items and extinguish his soul locked within. Alas, it is the final Horcrux that will decide The Chosen One’s fate. For this Horcrux is not found within an object but is personified inside our hero. This final Horcrux can only be beaten by becoming more powerful a wizard than the greatest wizard who ever lived. This is the part in our tale that strays from the path of the original story. For our hero will not banish the last remaining fragment of Voldemort’s soul. He will not be the savior nor the hero. He will fall short of his name and never truly become The Chosen One. Despite his best efforts, Voldemort will remain superior. He will remain the most powerful. He will remain the greatest wizard who has ever lived. For all eternity.